


The Sex Talk (After the Fact)

by the_mad_hellcat



Series: The Holoform Testing Sessions [2]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dirty Old Mech, Fisting (mentioned), Human/Mech Sex, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Polygamy, Sexual Content, Swearing, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:03:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2126190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_mad_hellcat/pseuds/the_mad_hellcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam, Will and Ratchet realize there are consequences to their threesome the night before and have a few things they need to work through before they can move forward with their plan of more hot sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!!!!: Mad_Ratchet muse is at it again and he has decided to throw a few wrenches into this plot! Primus help us ALL (or at least take his wrench supply!) *clears throat* You have been warned!
> 
> I would also like to state I have nothing against anyone who works in Human Resources. It’s a difficult and important job, but this story does not reflect HR is a pleasant light. I think it’s me getting out my anger at a megalomaniac HR manager I worked for a few years ago. My apologies and I do not mean to insult anyone working in HR… unless you are my former manager then FU! :-P

Will stared at a blank word document as he tried to work on a rough draft of the questionnaire that Ratchet had asked him to write. He had some basic ideas for some questions, he would use the same ones he used last night but every time he tried to write them down he thought they sounded ridiculous, like some sort of online dating questionnaire. Do you like moonlit strolls by the beach? Will felt the overwhelming need to slam his head against the wall repeatedly. It didn’t help that he had a cubical and it seemed that today of all days people kept asking him what he was doing or just stopped by to talk. For some reason he was different today, more relaxed and everyone wanted to see if they could get the reason why out of him. 

He looked up and saw that it was almost lunch time and decided to eat lunch off the base, if only to get away from the constant interruptions. He grabbed a notebook and a pen and headed to the garage to borrow one of the jeeps, but he never made it there. His cellphone rang just as he left the office area of the base and he picked it up on auto-pilot not even checking the display to see who it was, “Major Lennox.”

“I know I called you,” Ironhide’s tone was gruff, but he seemed uncomfortable or awkward and that set Will on edge. He had read Ratchet’s note that Ironhide agreed to take part in the holoform prototype trials after dropping a very dirty innuendo, which Will was almost impressed by, but he hadn’t actually talked to Ironhide about it. Normally the Autobot Officer Meeting ran well into the afternoon. “Are you out of the meeting already?” Will asked.

“Yes, Bumblebee, Jazz and the Twins are too excited about the Holoform Prototype Trials to focus on anything else and drove Optimus so crazy he ended the meeting early before he took one of Ratchet’s wrenches and threw one at them himself!”

Will laughed, mentally picturing a fierce looking Optimus armed with wrenches and laughed, to which Ironhide snorted in reply. “Sorry, really funny mental picture of a wrench-wielding Optimus,” Will apologized, “anyway, I hope you guys were gentle with Ratchet after I showed you that picture.”

“How did you get to be in his interface cable compartment anyway?” 

“Actually this is not a conversation I should be having walking around the base, I was getting ready to run into town for lunch. If I promise to double bag the food, put in in a heavy duty plastic bag and not eat in the interior of your alt form, want to go get lunch together?”

There was some more grumbling, mixed with some Cybertronian, but he finally said, “Fine, but we bring the food back to my quarters. I think we need to talk about a few things.”

“Good because there are a couple things I would like to ask you as well,” Will said.

“I will meet you in front of the human entrance to the base in five minutes,” Ironhide said.

“I will be there.”

Will hung up the phone headed to the entrance, instead of the garage. He was there in four minutes but still find Ironhide’s alt form waiting for him. He looked at the Topkick, enjoying the truck’s sleek lines and how the black paint shorn in the sun light. He didn’t have long to admire him before Ironhide’s engine rumbled to let Will know he was ready to leave. He walked around to the driver’s side door and found it open already, “Hey,” Will said as he slid inside and shut the door. “Look before we begin, just ask me what you really want to know. I know something is bothering you and I promise I will not lie to you so lets just get this part over with.”

Ironhide didn’t respond, instead he drove away from the base. They spend their first mile in complete silence before Ironhide pulled off to the side of the road. “Did Ratchet interface with you?” Ironhide finally asked.

“No,” Will said, “neither of his interface cables got anywhere near my ass or access port as I understand you call them. Did we mess around? Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Humans have this thing called foreplay that can bring you to overload without actually interfacing. I am not sure how to explain this that will make sense without experiencing a human body first. Did I touch him? Yes. I didn’t drive him to overload, he was too focused on Sam and Sam’s request to have Ratchet break him in.”

“Are you serious? He broke Sam in last night?” Ironhide truly sounded taken aback by the news.

“Yes, Ratchet was kinda cute, actually, he got the concept pretty easily, but the mechanics had him nervous. I had to help him a little bit and give him some reassurance. I am guessing no one figured out that Sam had fallen in love with Ratchet then.”

“Does Ratchet know that?”

“I have no idea,” Will sighed, “they were going to talk this morning, but I think all they did was kiss each other senseless. Sam cannot seem to keep his hands off Ratchet. Is there a problem? He isn’t with Wheeljack anymore.”

“What? No, nothing like that. I am just surprised.”

“Look, I admit I had a sexual encounter with Sam and Ratchet, but I did not interface with either of them. I did overload once, I would like to say it was purely for the holoform project, but I did enjoy it.”

“What do you mean purely holoform project?”

“Ratchet wanted to scan both of us as we overloaded to try to recreate a realistic human orgasm, I mean overload, for the holoforms. He got Sam off with his hand and he decided to take it a step further and try oral sex.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Have you watched any of Sam’s gay porn? You know the ones where two guys get each other off?”

“No, why?”

“Then you may be the only Autobot that hasn’t! Even Ratchet did.”

“Do you have a recommended title?” Ironhide snorted.

“Well, ‘Two Gun Salute’ is one of my favorites,” Will blushed, not believing that he was talking about gay porn with Ironhide but he did promise to be honest with him.

Ironhide started to drive again, pulling back on the road and they sat in silence for about a minute when Ironhide snorted, “Sam, doesn’t have that title!”

“No, that is one of mine,” Will looked out the window since this was just the road to the base he knew no one should be on it this time of day so he didn’t have to pretend to actually be driving, “it’s on my server if you want to borrow it, I know you can access my server with no effort, and maybe it will show you things I would have difficulty explaining without visual aids.”

Ironhide didn’t reply and they road in silence but Will did notice that the tension between them was a lot better and he relaxed in his seat. “Will?”

“Yeah?”

“You really didn’t interface with him?”

“No, of course not,” Will said and took a deep breath, ok here goes nothing, “he did not even offer because he knew, oh how did he put it? Yes: that my body craved to be broken in by you.”

Ironhide slammed on his brakes and the jolt scared Will and he grabbed the steering wheel instinctively. “That is not funny, Will,” Ironhide growled.

“I wasn’t joking,” Will said, “Look, I told him you couldn’t possibly be interested in me, ok? Sam and Ratchet know that last night was probably a one-time thing and I agreed to make the questionnaire for the holoform design process.”

“Probably a one-time thing?”

“Hey, I am legally a single man,” Will said, “and if you aren’t interested then why not?”

“You need to understand, Will, this is a serious matter for Autobots. We do not take the duty of breaking in a port lightly, regardless of what Ratchet pulled last night. I should report him!”

“You don’t know what happened last night!” Will argued, “Sam tried to seduce him; he has wanted Ratchet for a very long time. He knew what he was doing and I highly doubt either party regrets what happened. Actually, I am pretty sure Sam would like to interface with Ratchet as much as he possibly can. Now can we go or are we just going to sit in the middle of the road?”

Ironhide started to drive again and Will regretted the entire conversation, he just wanted to go into town, grab his lunch and get back to work. They couldn’t have anything else to possibly say to each other after this wonderful heart-to-spark. “So,” Ironhide said, the awkward tone in his voice was back, “how did you end up in his interface cable compartment?”

“To be honest, Ironhide, that was frightening.”

“Why? The cable itself or…”

“No, I didn’t actually pay much attention to that, but we were working on testing the feedback on the prototype and he practically keeled over in agony. He was typical stubborn Ratchet and wouldn’t open up the compartment until Sam practically begged him. The smell was terrible, Ironhide. I went to get flashlights so we can see and Sam gently moved the cable out of the way. When I came back we just looked for the source of the smell and you saw a picture of what we found. I cannot imagine the pain he must have been in.”

“Yeah,” Ironhide said, “I shudder thinking about it. You were right to send everyone that picture because no one was prepared to give him any slack, especially Optimus. He is very protective of Sam.”

“And you aren’t?” Will smiled, Ironhide didn’t respond so Will just continued the story, “well that wasn’t the worst part. Ratchet couldn’t release the valve himself because of the overgrowth of mold.”

“How did he get it out?”

“Sam and I had to clean the valve off and pull it out ourselves.”

“You actually climbed in the compartment?” Ironhide shuddered.

“Only half way,” Will said, “I mean it had to come out, Ironhide. Sam and I couldn’t just leave it in there like that. Ratchet told us to do it so we did. Of course it was alien mold so Sam and I had to share the very cramped decontamination shower and couldn’t leave until medical had gone through total decontamination. We crashed in Ratchet’s office.”

“Decontamination my aft!” Ironhide muttered.

“Look, ‘Hide, if you are angry with me…”

“No, I am not angry as you said, you are an unattached adult male so I have absolutely no reason to be angry if you. Ratchet on the other hand, I am going to have some words with later this afternoon.”

“Look, I told you that Sam…”

“It’s not going to be about Sam.”

“Oh,” Will said and had even been so happy to see town coming up on the horizon in his life, “Ironhide, why didn’t you ever even at least hint to me that Autobots were sexual?”

“Optimus gave us strict orders not to frighten the organics,” Ironhide snorted, “like two mechs interfacing is going to scar a race that thinks about sex every seven seconds. How did you and Sam figure it out anyway?”

“Ratchet acted like he needed to get laid,” Will said, “and since he was building a human hologram prototype that was to be a perfect mimic then we thought why not.”

“I don’t understand if he wanted Ratchet to break him in so badly why he enlisted your help.”

“Sam has the self-esteem of a peanut since Mikaela broke up with him. Sam was afraid that he wouldn’t be good enough for Ratchet to want to interface with and I understand his fears.”

“I thought you and Ratchet,” the growl was back.

“No, that’s not what I meant, ‘Hide. It’s scary enough being in love with a mech, but we know that you guys think we are squishy and who knows if Autobots actual find us sexually appealing enough to want to interface with us. What if we aren’t good enough for you guys? What if you will just sit back and laugh at us stupid humans?”

“Will…”

“When Mikaela broke up with Sam she was vicious, she verbally attacked every sensitive spot a guy has from the size of his cock to his ability in bed. Sam almost chickened out twice, she scarred him pretty bad, but Ratchet was protective and actually tender with him. I would not want to be Mikaela if she ever returned to base, Ratchet was furious when Sam told him. He needed someone to hold his hand so that is why I was there and I guess I just wanted to know if Autobots were really sexual beings after all. I thought maybe… it’s not important what I thought.”

 

Sam came back into medical after lunch, annoyed and feeling like his brain was about to melt out of his ears. Human Resources on base grabbed him this morning and forced him to take this battery of tests from security protocols to sexual harassment laws. They were long, tedious and you had to answer all their little pretest and activities during the class you had to take before the test. It didn’t matter if you passed the fucking pretest, you still had to take the class and final exam, which was the same as the fragging pretest! It took him four hours to complete everything and he had a splitting headache. He had almost missed lunch, but the kitchen supervisor had mercy on him and got him a hot meal. He bought a soda from the machine and headed back to medical to check his email and finish pulling charts of checkups scheduled for this afternoon. If he had time before Ratchet came back from the officers meeting he might take a nap to see if this headache would go away. 

He would also need to check on Will later on to see how the questionnaire was coming and see if he needed any help. He was a wreak when he had decided to seduce Ratchet, he could only imagine how nervous Will was to proposition Ironhide, although he shouldn’t worry the way Ironhide acts around him he is very into him. 

“Where have you been?”

Sam turned toward Ratchet’s office, “Ratchet?”

“I certainly hope so, although if you ask Bumblebee or Jazz, I could be a number of other entities!”

Sam smiled as he headed into his office, “Oh? And should I dare ask who else you could be?”

“A mind flayer, an evil twin with some bizarre facial hair or a pod person to name a few,” Ratchet turned to him and shook his head, “it was a bit over the top.”

“Did the twins chime in?”

“No, thank Primus, Jazz and Bumblebee were talking to fast that they didn’t have the opportunity to give their opinions,” Ratchet sighed, “now where have you been?”

“I got grabbed by HR and told to go take these online tests to certify that I knew all of their rules and regulations so I could stay on the base. I think I took like fifteen of them. My head is killing me. What are you doing out of the meeting already?”

“I made an announcement about the holoform prototype and the younger mechs couldn’t focus and Optimus eventually got tired of all the distractions and ended the meeting early.”

“Did you get some volunteers for the prototypes?” Sam asked innocently.

“Optimus was very interested, he wants to be able to attend the meetings with the military and the government himself instead of just counting on Keller. Ironhide took some convincing, but with an unsubtle hint about the possibility of interfacing with Will he finally agreed.”

“I am glad,” Sam said, “it is obvious he is would like more with his relationship with Ironhide.”

“Ironhide would like to expand his role in Will’s life as well,” Ratchet said, obviously choosing his words carefully.

“Ratchet?”

“Yes, Sam.”

“Would you like to expand your role in my life?”

“I thought I already had,” Ratchet said looking uncomfortable.

“Do you want to not talk about this right now?” Sam asked, “I know you said you wanted to talk about this later but if this is a bad time.”

“Sam, I know you care about me a great deal, but I am not going to change. I am the same grumpy Autobot I was yesterday, minus foreign mold. I like doing my research, I rarely leave my quarters unless it is to work in medical, requested somewhere by Optimus or dealing with a Decepticon attack. I have a terrible temper, which you have been on the receiving end more than your fair share recently. You are young, you shouldn’t settle for an old homebody mech. You should have all the opportunities to experience everything life has there for you.”

“But I love you,” Sam said, trying not to get emotional, which he knew would get Ratchet mad. Ratchet hated it when humans got their emotions all over him.

“Sam, there is nothing I want more in this world than to keep you with me at all times,” Ratchet sighed, “my feelings for you are strong, but I cannot allow myself to love you back or else I will never let you go.”

“Don’t I have a say in this?” Sam asked as he crossed his arms and looked down at the floor.

Ratchet sighed, “Yes, of course you do, Sam. I do not want your judgment to be clouded because we have engaged in a physical relationship.”

“Do you regret interfacing with me?” Sam asked so softly only keen Autobot hearing could have heard it.

“Never,” Ratchet said with such a conviction it startled Sam, causing him to look up, “I could never regret that. I was surprised and honored that you selected me, even though the situation was a bit backwards.”

“I don’t understand,” Sam said as he hugged himself tighter, his headache getting worse. A golden shimmer appeared and Ratchet’s holoform, still wearing the baseball shirt and jeans from the meeting earlier, was suddenly in front of him. He looked tried, frustrated but also more than a bit afraid. “Sam, it is the duty for the mech breaking in the port to teach about pleasure, to be gentle, kind and patience while the untried port adjusts to the new sensations. While last night may have been the first time you have accepted a cable into your port, I learned more about pleasure and tenderness from you than I have in all my millennia. I would have given anything last night to have been able to hold you afterward, if I thought I could maintain the holoform for an extended period of time after such an overload. I will need to work on adjusting the power supply to solve that problem.”

“Then tell me what I have to do to prove to you that I am serious!”

“You don’t,” Ratchet sighed, “but I have experience enough to see what you cannot, which is no fault of your own, Sam. I don’t want you to settle.”

“So what? Run around and experience the world and then if I come back and still want you then…”

“Now don’t be dramatic,” Ratchet shook his head and slowly raised his hands to touch Sam’s upper arms, rubbing calming circles, “and how long have you had that headache?”

“I got it during the HR testing session.”

“It’s Sunday, don’t they have anything better to do on the day everyone is supposed to have light duty than to grab people and make them take tests?”

Sam shrugged and he started to look down again, but Ratchet hooked his right forefinger under his chin and lifted it so that Sam would look into his eyes. Sam tried to hard not to cry, “I know you hate when people get their emotions all over you.”

Ratchet looked startled, “Don’t cry, Sam, I am not rejecting you. I am making a complete cluster fuck out of this.”

“Ratchet…”

“Listen to me, I am in no way rejecting you. I feel very deeply for you and I could never reject you. Having you this close over the past few weeks as been wonderful and terrible at the same time, I enjoyed having you all to myself. You were interested in my work, the holoform research and you wanted to learn about medicine. You chose to spend time with me, even over Bumblebee, whom I know is probably much more fun. On the other hand, it was terrible, Sam, because I couldn’t escape from my desire for you. I wanted to interface with you so badly it was distracting and then, thanks to the damn mold, self-overloading wasn’t satisfying and stirred up physical problems. The more I tried to not feel, the more keenly I felt and that is another reason for my terrible temperament. It never occurred to me, Sam, you could ever want me back. I am still trying to believe last night even happened.”

“Then why won’t you just let me be with you?” Sam asked and Ratchet pulled him into a tight hug, resting his cheek against the top of Sam’s head.

“I am not saying this right, so let me try it this way. Yesterday I mentioned to you a few things about Optimus…”

“Oh god you think…”

“Let me finish!” Ratchet said sternly but kissed Sam on the top of the head, “you did nothing wrong, Sam. You are young and it is natural to be attracted to more than one physical entity regardless. Look at what happened last night between us and Will. I told you that Optimus would have a huge cock to match his oversized interface cable that has limited his ability to interface. It is a stupid prejudice but some cannot get their minds around accessing a Prime’s port because his cable cannot fit in theirs. Instead of switching positions they get up and leave him, which I find extremely cruel. Prime or not, interfacing is an extremely important part of any mechs life and rejection like that is very painful.”

“Kinda like what Mikaela did to me?”

“Almost, Sam, and I know that Optimus cares a lot about you as well. How deep his affections run is unknown, but it is obvious to us that have been with him for a while that he does care more than he lets on. When he finds out I broke you in last night I am not sure how he would react so I will have that conversation with him privately. What I am saying may be wrong in human culture and against your sexual attitudes, but I want to give you the chance to experience interfacing with Optimus. I know that Optimus is in desperate need for interfacing and that you would be as kind, patient and loving with him as you were with me. As Will did last night, I would be an invisible presence in the room, guiding and offering encouragement. I would also make sure he wasn’t hurting you.”

“Optimus would never hurt me.”

“Of course he would never hurt you on purpose, Sam, but his cock will be large and thick and while your port is broken in, it is still very tight and may take a while to get used to such a cable.”

“You would be ok watching us?”

“Yes, while not as accepted here on Earth, polygamy and sharing sexual partners is quite common on Cybertron. It is rare to see pairs in a monogamous relationship, like Prowl and Jazz are and I have known them to bring a third mech into the bedroom occasionally.”

“See this would have been very nice to know,” Sam said, rubbing his body against Ratchet’s holoform, “I just thought you didn’t want me anymore.”

“Normally, if we would have done this by the book you would have gone to Optimus to request to be broken in as your leader, he would have had this conversation with you then he would have decided if you were physically and emotionally ready to engage in such activity.”

“Yeah, that was never gonna happen. I would have died of embarrassment!”

Ratchet laughed, “Even if you had, you may not have gotten me as a possible candidate.”

“What?”

“Optimus would have chosen three or four different candidates for you to select to be broken in from and you make your selection from those four only.”

“Seriously? Isn’t that a little, I don’t know, strange that the untried port cannot ask the mech he wants?”

“For a human it would be,” Ratchet agreed with Sam, “your interfacing is much more involved than ours is and far more emotional.”

“Is that an insult? I cannot tell,” Sam muttered into Ratchet’s chest.

“It might have been before I experienced it,” Ratchet slipped his hand down Sam’s back slowly and grabbed his ass softly, “but now I see its merits. It has to do with your sensor system, your nervous system I mean.”

“Some people have one night stands and sleep around, you know?”

“Then they are meeting their physical and emotional needs that way,” Ratchet said, “no judgment.”

“So what is Autobot interfacing like then?”

“You pick your partner based on attraction or who you want to have a greater connection with and you ask them if they are interested. If they are you go somewhere private to relax, there are various pleasure clusters to press if you need help getting in the mood or are tired and when both partners are ready the interface cable compartment opens, they may or may not chose to play with each other’s cables a bit before initiating the connection. I always enjoyed the extra bit of attention, but others think it’s a waste of time. The cable is put into the access port and the connection is established. Some overload quickly while others take a few minutes.”

“What sort of connection?” Sam asked.

“It’s hard to explain,” Ratchet said, “it’s like the very essence of you connect with the very essence of your partner. It is very intimate.”

“It sounds beautiful,” Sam said, “I am sorry I cannot give you that.”

“You give me something equally as special Sam,” Ratchet said, “look at me.”

Sam pulled back slightly and looked up at Ratchet, who smiled a moment and leaned down to capture Sam’s lips with his own in a deep kiss and Sam doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back. Ratchet ends the kiss and Sam catches his breath, “Let me give you this experience, Sam, if you want it. Tell me the truth, do you want to establish a connection or interface with Optimus?”

Sam blushed, but when he tried to seriously consider it his head just hurt worse. “This is a lot to take it right now,” Sam admitted.

“And your headache probably isn’t making this easier, in fact it appears to be getting worse. Why don’t you go lay down in the holoform project room for a while and I will get you some painkillers? I have given you a lot to think about.”

Sam leaned up and kissed Ratchet again, “You are always full of surprises. How do you ever think I could possibly get bored with you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Ironhide continue their discussion and Ratchet decides to pay Optimus a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented so far. I regret to say that Mad_Ratchet has found even more wrenchs to throw in this chapter. He must be making them somewhere but I haven't figured it out yet.
> 
> Also description of minor violence in this chapter: nothing major just a punch gets thrown. Wonder who did that?

Will came out of the supermarket with a lunch size antipasto platter and a single serving bottle of spicy hot vegetable juice. It was double bagged and the bags knotted, he explained to the deli clerk and the cashier that he was borrowing his buddy’s truck and if he spilled anything he would be dead and they gladly helped him out. He went back to the truck and Ironhide was rather silent. Now Ironhide didn’t have a set of keys and the door was locked, it was noon so there were people on the street so it’s not like he could actually talk to Ironhide. Will took out his phone and dialed Ironhide’s number. It picked up on the second ring but Ironhide didn’t speak first, he never did. “Where are you?”

“Where I parked.”

“Isn’t that funny, so am I!”

The phone disconnected and the door opened just enough that Will knew it was unlocked. He jumped in the truck, put his lunch down on the floor mat of the passenger’s seat before he buckled his seatbelt. “You ok?” Will asked.

“Fine,” Ironhide said, “I was thinking about something and put my guard down a moment.”

That was strange, he must be really thinking about something to put his guard down like this. In fact Will cannot ever remember Ironhide having his guard down ever. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“When we get back to the base. How long do you have for lunch?”

“It’s Sunday so I am not technically supposed to be working today, but most everyone is in the office getting those HR tests done before they are due tomorrow at 0600. I can take as long as I want, my official paperwork is done.”

Ironhide carefully pulled out of the parking space and headed back to the base. “What is your unofficial paperwork?”

“The holoform appearance creation questionnaire or whatever Ratchet is going to call it. I have been working on it for a few hours but I just cannot seem to get the wording right. It was easier when I was there talking to Ratchet in his unrealistic holoform. I knew what needed to be adjusted but to start from scratch makes things difficult.”

“If you knew what needed to be adjusted why didn’t you just tell him?”

“Because the holoforms are your human forms, they are as much a part of you as your existing alt form and you need to be comfortable with them. Just because something needed to be adjusted doesn’t mean there is just one way to adjust it and the goal is that these holoforms are how you would look if you were indeed human, the body has to fit the personality.”

“You are making this far too complicated,” Ironhide snorted.

“It is complicated,” Will admitted, “and I want you to be happy.”

The drive back to the base was quiet, both lost in their thoughts about the holoform prototype and what would happen tonight. Will focused on the questionnaire, but Ironhide was trying to figure out if he was ready to break Will in tonight. They hadn’t directly spoken about it and they would have to, Ratchet may have missed a few steps with Sam but Ironhide would not be so reckless. Sam seducing Ratchet still seemed hard for him to believe, wanting him that badly to directly ask him to break him in and then offering himself. Ironhide wondered if Will had done that would he have been able to resist such a temptation. Honesty, probably not even though he would have been terrified.

Ironhide had only been a candidate once to break in a port and it was not a pleasant experience. He was rather unexperienced himself still and scared out of his mind. He was clumsy, awkward and caused more discomfort than necessary. The mech had complained loudly to Optimus’ father, Prudenter, who took him off the list until he had more experience. Ironhide had refused every time Prudenter attempted to put him back on, and only rarely engaged in interfacing. He hadn’t actual interfaced in over three thousand years and while the urge was there, he ignored it in favor of something he was actually good at, weapons and war. Now Will wanted him to break him in and while Ironhide wanted to interface with him desperately, but it never occurred to him that Will would have an untried port. Now things were really getting complicated.

As they could finally see the Autobot entrance to the base, Ironhide started to get nervous and he knew Will was uncomfortable. They had to have this conversation and it was best if they just had it now and get it over with. “Will you still come back to my quarters with me?” Ironhide asked.

“Sure, if you don’t mind me eating there,” Will said, his stomach growling as if on cue.

“Of course not,” he said as he did not stop to let Will out like he normally would but instead the drove straight to Ironhide’s room. When they got to the door, he opened the driver side door to let Will out. Will grabbed his lunch and slipped out, standing a good ten feet away while Ironhide transformed into his mech form. Will could never get tired of seeing it and smiled absentmindly, “Beautiful.”

Ironhide would have blushed if he could have, but he opened the door to his quarters, “You first?”

“I knew you were a gentleman,” Will teased trying to lighten the mood, Ironhide just smirked and said, “You think I am a gentleman, wait until I get you inside.”

Will looked shocked a moment before breaking out into an honest grin, “Now that is the Ironhide I know and love. I wondered where he had gotten to.”

Will walked inside and Ironhide followed behind and shut the door, locking it while Will went over to the corner and set up the folding chair and TV dinner tray to set his food on. He ate here with Ironhide a few times a week and it was more comfortable than sitting on the floor. “So why the locked door?” Will asked. He had never seen Ironhide lock his door before.

“After I was selected for the holoform prototype testing the Twins, Jazz and Bumblebee are bombarding me with messages begging me to let them take my place. Now that they know I am back on base I am expecting them to come charging in here to harass me until I give in. I don’t really want to be disturbed right now.”

“I am sure that Ratchet gave them a very good reason why they couldn’t be selected,” Will said as he unpacked his food and opened his bottle of juice, “besides the fact we would want to kill them by the end of the testing.”

“There sensors are too sensitive to develop a prototype,” Ironhide said, “I should be insulted.”

“Everyone has a skill set, their sensors are made to suit their skill set and yours are perfect for you,” Will smiled, “any if Ratchet wanted to insult you then he really would have made it obvious.”

Ironhide sat down near Will, his back against the wall and watched Will eat his lunch. It was silence but this silence was companionable and neither felt uncomfortable during it. When Will finished he put the trash back in into the bag and put the TV tray away before turning to Ironhide, his half full bottle of juice in his hand. “Ironhide, now it’s your turn to be honest with me. Are you interested in breaking me in? Hell, are you interested in me at all?”

“Yes,” Ironhide said, his voice has a roughness to it that went right to Will’s cock, “I am interested in you.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ being added to that sentence?”

Ironhide laughed and shook his head, “You know me, Will, I am a warrior and not the most gentlest of mechs. I am a bull in a china shop, which served me well in the war but that is the exact opposite when you are looking for an interface partner, especially when you are being broken in.”

“Ironhide, you are the biggest bad ass that I know,” Will said, “you move with such grace and dexterity and still pack a hell of a punch. You are like some kick ass, gun toting ninja!”

“If I understood any of that I would know how to respond.”

“Ok, we need a movie night. Remind me to bring that up to Optimus the next time I see him, they may be works of fiction but it will help understand human culture more,” Will said, “ninjas are martial artists who are expert warriors and can hide in plain sight. You do not know they are there until it is too late, but they have a code of honor as well. They are fast, deadly and smart; they also tend to go perform their ninja duties wearing all black.”

“They wear black; now I finally see a similarity!”

“You are graceful, very smart and honorable,” Will said, “I love to watch you run drills. I wish I could move like you.”

“Will,” Ironhide said, almost smiling but then the gruff mask was put back into place, “What is your point?”

“The point is that you are a bad ass, you could very easily break a human with a finger, but if I didn’t think you were capable of being gentle do you think I would have let you anywhere near my five year old daughter?”

“I would never hurt Annabelle,” Ironhide looked shocked.

“I know that, and I know you would never hurt me,” Will said, “you aren’t the bull in the china shop that you think you are. You are capable of great gentleness and tenderness, Ironhide. You may be a bit rough around the edges, but that is one of the things I like about you. I am not a blushing virgin to be treated delicately, I know that the first time can be painful in the beginning, but I trust you to prepare me well and listen to me if it gets too much. I trust you. I care about you. I think I am falling in love with you, actually.” Will looked down and laughed at himself for his stupidity and scratched the back of his head nervously, “You know I am terrible at this.”

“No, actually you are not,” Ironhide admitted.

“Really?” Will asked.

“I have always appreciated your honesty as well as your bravery, Will,” he said, “it’s something that I like about you.”

“So will you consider my request?”

“Before I give you my answer I should explain a few things to you about most Cybertronian relationships and I hope like hell that Ratchet has had this talk with Sam or else I will use him for target practice.”

“Ok, like what?”

“The majority of relationships are polygamous, monogamous relationship likes Jazz and Prowl are very rare, but even those two have had other mechs join them for interfacing. That said, even the more polygamous mech will chose a favorite companion to build a home and have sparklings with, if they so choose but will still have relationships with others. I know that your culture is completely the opposite.”

“Wow, yeah, I never would have considered… wait,” Will looked confused a moment, “actually that comment Ratchet made last night makes sense. Also it makes sense that he wasn’t freaked out about having two guys in bed at the same time.”

“Do I dare ask what comment?” Ironhide asked.

“Actually, you probably don’t,” Will said, “in fact I will make a point to grab Sam on the way to medical after dinner and check to see if Ratchet had this little conversation with him.”

“Ok, now you are worrying me,” Ironhide said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Will tried to play it cool but Ironhide could tell that his mind was reeling with the knowledge, “anyway, I am glad you told me. It’s a lot for me to think about right now.”

“Well I wasn’t done.”

Will looked like he was steeling himself for another bomb to be dropped on him, “Ok.”

“I am one of those monogamous mechs, Will,” Ironhide said and he could see Will process the information and relax slowly, “if we move forward then I will not want to share you with anyone. If we choose to bring another mech or human into our berth it is something we do together, but I would prefer to keep the interfacing just between us.”

“I am ok with that,” Will said.

“Good,” Ironhide said, “now what comment did Ratchet make that made sense after my explanation?”

“’Hide…”

“Before I walk into this I need to know everything that is going on. I don’t trust Ratchet right now and he seems to have masterminded this entire thing.”

“He wouldn’t have had to if I would have known you either had feelings for me or were sexual, I just would have seduced you.”

“Will…”

“No, we aren’t talking about this right now. I have had my entire world shift in the past twenty four hours, dammit and instead of talking about Sam and Ratchet, I would rather keep the focus on us right now. Or to be honest, on you.”

Ironhide knew Will was getting upset and forced himself to stay calm, he completed a scan on his human as a distraction and was surprised to find how high his pheromone count was. Something is going on, but Ironhide wasn’t completely sure what it was. “Me? Will, this is important...”

“Fine,” Will finished the rest of his drink in a huge gulp and put the bottle into the bag, “I will tell you on one condition.”

“You are making a condition?” Ironhide was more confused than upset with Will at this point.

“Yes, I will tell you what Ratchet said in exchange I get to examine your interface cable.”

If Ironhide could have blinked twice he would have, his processor stopped momentarily unable to process exactly what he said. “Excuse me?” he finally said.

“The holoform prototypes cocks take their dimensions from the ratio of interface cable to your mech form so I want to know what I am getting myself into.”

“Will, you cannot be serious,” Ironhide’s higher brain functions started to come back online.

“I am completely serious.”

“You should have thought about that before you asked me to break you in!”

“I can take anything as long as it is your cock,” Will said, “I am just curious.”

Ironhide was about to argue, possibly letting his frustration get the better of him when a random thought popped in his processor: Ironhide was making Will sexually aroused. All his frustration and anger dissolved with that thought, “You find this form attractive, Will?”

“I thought that was obvious,” Will sighed, holding his head in his hand, “I cannot believe I said that, I shouldn’t make those kind of demands from you; I wasn’t thinking straight let’s forget…”

Ironhide carefully slid a finger under Will’s chin and lifted gently to make Will look at him. “I think…”

A loud series of knocks from multiple fists disturbed what Ironhide was hoping would be another good moment between them. “Ironhide, we know you are in there!” Jazz said.

“You locked the door, come on, Ironhide we just want to talk,” Bumblebee said.

“Ironhide,” Jazz whined.

“GO AWAY!” Ironhide bellowed.

“But…”

“I will report this harassment to Optimus!” Ironhide shouted.

“You know,” Will yelled, “I can reassign Epps, Jazz. I will have you working with McAllister for the rest of your time on base if you do not get away from the door.”

“Will?” Bumblebee asked.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Jazz said.

“Oh Jazz, you do not want to tempt me,” Will said, “and you guys forget I am helping with the holoform project now so unless you guys want the Twins to get their holoforms before you I would move along. Now!”

 

_Prowl, you have two minutes to collect Jazz from outside Ironhide’s door before Ironhide actually initiates any of his colorful threats he sent me_. Optimus sent Prowl a message after receiving Ironhide’s colorful message that included a variety of threats to the well-being of Jazz and Bumblebee if they do not leave him alone. This has turned into a disaster. Ratchet needs volunteers for the prototype trials and has selected the best candidates but for some reason Jazz, Bumblebee and the Twins cannot leave the matter alone. They are determined to have holoforms now that they have seen one and will drive everyone insane to get their way. Optimus had changed the patrol schedule to get Jazz and Bumblebee out of the base this evening with poor Prowl to babysit them. The Twins were going to be under the watchful eye of the bases head mechanic, Sigmund Teller, who puts the fear of Primus into them for some odd reason. Optimus has a deal with Teller, he can work on his current vehicle restoration project on the Autobot side of the base where he can be left alone and not questioned about the legality of his upgrades in exchange Teller babysits the Twins whenever Optimus or Ratchet needs a break. 

Optimus definitely needed a break. Now.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts, “Yes.” He knew it wasn’t any of the troublemakers, they knock repeatedly like hyperactive sparklings.

“Optimus, its Ratchet. May I come in?”

“Of course,” Optimus said and saved the document he was working on before putting the datapad into the drawer as Ratchet walked into the room. He shut the door and locked it, “In case we have any unwanted visitors,” Ratchet said, “Prowl was dragging Jazz away from Ironhide’s door, while Bumblebee was dodging cannon fire from Ironhide. We will have a few panels in the hallway to replace later, but I am hoping Bumblebee got the hint.”

“The Twins are in the main hanger,” Optimus said, “with Teller for the next few hours.”

“Oh thank Primus!” Ratchet said, “I am not sure how much more of this I can take. I can work better without all these interruptions but they do not seem to understand that. Bumblebee and Jazz almost had their vocal processor lines cut when they started whining and pleaded in medical about twenty minutes and woke Sam up.”

“Is Sam ok?” Optimus leaned back in his chair, trying to hide his concern for his human charge. In fact Sam was one of the brightest spots in his world and with every decision he made, Sam was always taken into consideration but he would never admit it out loud. He had always been considered a bit of a freak because of his overly large interface cable so he would not let anyone know he desired and cared for a human so deeply and become a bigger freak amongst his warriors. Sam would never want him, even if they could find a way to interface together, no one wanted Optimus; they wanted the ideal Prime and always walked away when they realized Optimus was anything but the ideal. 

“Human Resources and their stupid online tests to prove he knows the protocols to stay on base,” Ratchet said, “they grabbed him this morning and made him take all the tests in a row. He has a bad tension headache, but if he could just get some rest then he will be fine for this evening.”

“Maybe Sam should be in his room?” Optimus asked, “is his headache bad enough that he needs to be in medical?”

Ratchet looked uncomfortable a moment, “I would prefer to keep an eye on Sam. He doesn’t take good care of himself like he should.”

“Yes, I know but we do not want to draw undue attention to Sam by the others on the base. It is bad enough Human Resources is fighting to have Sam removed from his Medic Apprenticeship.”

“I did everything by the book,” Ratchet said, “he expressed an interest, I gave him a temporary apprenticeship and he passed the tests to be accepted as a true Medic’s Apprentice. You were there, Optimus, you looked over Sam’s test yourself and approved the placement.”

“Yes, I am aware.”

“And he is still attending college online and takes five courses a semester and even takes a course or two during the summer. He has a 3.85 out of 4.00 GPA and is attending his Apprenticeship faithfully, what more can anyone want?”

“Ratchet, calm down,” Optimus said, putting his hands up, “I know Sam is working very hard to earn his degree and loves working in medical. I am concerned that he is spending more time with us than with his fellow humans.”

“Optimus, he is taking a full course load and works an almost full time job,” Ratchet said, “he doesn’t have much free time and what he does he spends with Will and his team.”

“He has been spending a lot of time on the Holoform Project.”

“Of course he has,” Ratchet said, “he realizes the importance for us to be able to interact with humans without scaring the slag out of them. Right now, Sam’s contribution is critical and Will has come aboard to help anyway he can. Even Human Resources realizes the importance of this work, if you want Sam to take more time off then let’s discuss it again after the prototype testing is done. If you throw him out now he will take that as a sign of rejection and Sam doesn’t need any more of that currently.”

“What is going on with Sam?” This bothered Optimus, why hadn’t he noticed that something was going on with the boy. Who had rejected him? Who in their right mind would dare reject such a beautiful and sensitive spark?

“Optimus, are you aware that Mikaela dumped Sam not long after Egypt?”

“No,” Optimus said, generally surprised that their relationship had ended. He hadn’t overly approved of them together for his own selfish reasons, but he also knew that Mikaela was trying to mold Sam into something that he wasn’t and set Sam up to fail, but he thought that Sam loved her so he did not stand in their way.

“Neither did I until last night,” Ratchet said, “Sam did not want to talk about it to anyone, except Will, and it appears their break up was quite painful and Mikaela said some rather terrible things to him. As Will explained it, she attacked every sensitive spot in the human male ego.”

“I don’t understand,” Optimus said, still in shock over the news.

“She told him he was terrible at interfacing and that his cable was too small to do her any good.”

“I don’t …”

“Optimus it appears she did it publically,” Ratchet said, “in front of a good bit of the base staff, which may be another reason he has chosen to stay closer to us. If he is teased or mocked it may not be for the time he spends with us alone.”

Optimus was stunned, he knew that Mikaela enjoyed setting Sam up to fail but this was plain cruel. He knew that humans took their interfacing as seriously as Cybertronians and to be publically ridiculed for your performance was the highest form of humiliation. “I see,” Optimus said quietly.

“After Sam told me this, and it was very painful and embarrassing for him to do so, he told me something unexpected.”

“Is there anything more unexpected than this?” Optimus asked.

“Oh, I think this is even more unexpected. He has fantasized about being broken in and actually self-overloads thinking about it.” Optimus froze and couldn’t wrap his processor around that thought and as he tried Ratchet continued, “He was unaware, per your request, that we are sexual beings, but decided to attempt to seduce the male he wanted to break him in last night.”

“Ironhide will not be happy,” Optimus sighed, “he has deep feelings for Will and to know that he and Sam will be starting a relationship…”

“It was me, Optimus, not Will.”

“What?” Optimus whispered.

“He thought that if we had holoforms that act just like human bodies he could then get his desire and I would be able to interface with him.”

“And it didn’t work,” Optimus stated.

“Actually no, the holoform is able to produce a realistic erection and overload capabilities,” Ratchet sighed.

“I hope you turned him down gently,” Optimus said, “I can explain to him our culture and the proper protocols…”

“Optimus, do you think that Sam would actually come to ask your permission? Regardless of his respect for our culture, he is still human and follows their protocols when choosing his first sexual partner.”

“So you did interface with him?” Optimus asked as neutrally as possible, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to hit more, the wall or Ratchet’s face.

“If it was only that simple,” Ratchet sighed.

“The question is designed for a yes or no answer, Ratchet,” Optimus said shortly.

“Optimus, you need to listen to me…”

“Yes or no!” Optimus stood up so fast his chair fell backwards.

“Yes, I did,” Ratchet said and prepared himself for the punch to the face he knew he was going to get and he only had to wait a few seconds before Optimus hit him so hard he flew out across the room.

“How could you?” Optimus hissed.

“He choose me, Optimus,” Ratchet said, “there is no honor better than being asked to break in someone you care deeply for.”

“Do you love him?” Optimus asked.

“I love him as much as you do,” Ratchet said.

“What kind of answer is that?”

“The honest kind,” Ratchet slowly started to get up, still unsure if Optimus would strike him again, “it is not obvious to the younger mechs, but those of us who have been around you most of your life, Optimus, we know you care for him. I was unsure of how much until now.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam deals with the fall out of Optimus knowing what happened last night and gets advice from an unusually prespective source, while Will finally gets to see Ironhide's interface cable and gets to see his dirty old mech side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an OC that I am nervous about introducing, but Sam really needs someone to talk to about all of this. I am aware this guy sounds like he belongs in Fast and Furious (even though I have never actually seen any of the films) and I have not written his cajun accent (I cannot write accents sorry).

Sam tried to go back to sleep after Bumblebee and Jazz were kicked out of medical, but it didn’t work. The tablets that Ratchet gave him were starting to kick in and his headache felt better. He crawled out of the air mattress, put his shoes on and went looking for Ratchet. He was wondering where Will was, actually he knew who Will was with, he wanted to have a discussion with Ironhide before they proceeded with the testing tonight. This entire thing should have just been simple, Will interfaced and became a couple with Ironhide and Sam and Ratchet became a couple and worked in medical. Happy ever after: the end! No, someone like Primus must have been bored and decided to stir the pot a bit. Now Cybertronians have polygamous relationships and Ratchet is willing to share him with Optimus. Who does that? Not that Sam was complaining, he was very much attached to the Autobot leader as well, but it never crossed his mind that Optimus would want him… or that Ratchet would want him back. Before yesterday he hadn’t even know they were sexual! Whoever said that sex fucks things up is totally correct. Yet, if they hadn’t tried to seduce Ratchet last night he would still be suffering.

He couldn’t stand to see Ratchet suffer like that, regardless of the outcome.

There is only one logical explanation! Sam woke up in an alternate universe and really needs to find his way back home before Human Resources finds his misadventures in alternate realities to be a cause to finally kick him off the base. Fucking Human Resources! 

Sam let out a dramatic sigh and headed into Ratchet’s office to talk to him, maybe he could give him something mindless to do for a few hours. He was supposed to meet up with Will to go over the questionnaire later this afternoon. Will seemed like one of those visual learner types though, like Sam was, and maybe just having him sit and write it out without a visual aid of a blank holoform was not the best idea. Yeah, needed to run that idea by Ratchet. Wherever he was… he wasn’t in his office. Sam checked his schedule and he had nothing in this time slot, which meant he would be in his office with pretending to work while listening to old Doctor Who radio programs, he had not gotten to the point where it became a television series yet, or catching up on whatever paperwork came his way from the base or from Optimus. 

Optimus? Sam’s blood ran cold a second. No way in hell would Ratchet go behind his back and talk to Optimus. Ratchet knew that Sam wanted to be a part of that conversation and it wasn’t like there was going to be a huge Human/Autobot orgy today, although he was strangely turned on by the idea, so all this drama could have waited. He hadn’t even given Ratchet an answer yet! “Dammit Ratchet!” Sam cursed under his breath and headed toward Optimus’ office.

His normal walk turned into a run when he turned the corridor and heard the sound of a fight coming from Optimus’ office. He skidded to a stop in front of the door and opened the human sized door built into the larger Autobot door. Sam gasped horrified and yelled, “Put him down!”

Optimus had Ratchet by the throat, and pressed him against the wall, but at Sam’s command he immediately let Ratchet go. His cooling vents were working overtime as Optimus tried to calm down. How big of a deal was this breaking in protocol for Optimus to lose it on Ratchet like that? “It’s my fault,” Sam said, “I am sorry, Optimus, I didn’t realize how important this protocol was. I seduced Ratchet, he was just kind enough to not turn me down.”

“Sam” Optimus’ normally gentle voice still had that edge of anger to it and every ounce of self-preservation in Sam told him to run like the wind but when it came to the Autobots, to Optimus or Ratchet, he rarely listened to that little voice anymore. He would not run from Optimus Prime. “If you are angry at anyone then it should be me,” Sam said, “although Ratchet you are not off the hook for talking to Optimus without me. You knew damn well I wanted to be a part of this conversation.”

“This part of it I thought you could do without seeing,” Ratchet said, his voice slightly off, his voice processor must have been damaged by Optimus’ hold.

“No, you just decided to go behind my back after you told me to go get some rest,” Sam said, “I didn’t even give you an answer yet.”

“What answer?” Optimus asked.

“That’s not what we were talking about,” Ratchet said.

“I understand the logistics of what you told me,” Sam said, “about Cybertronian relationships but I am still wrapping my mind around it. I mean most of the humans on the base treat me like I am a freak already since I have an alien enhanced brain, hate basketball and, of course, there is the little matter of Mikaela’s little outburst when she decided to break up with me in-front of the entire mess at dinnertime! I am a distraction on base, HR tells me and maybe I should just stay in town unless I am needed.”

“When did they say that?” Ratchet and Optimus spoke in unison.

“A while ago,” Sam said, “and you know the funny part? It’s the last two, the basketball and Mikaela that is what I get picked on the most about. So yeah, last night I may have overstepped when I seduced Ratchet and for all the trouble that caused I am very sorry. Maybe HR is right, maybe all I do cause is stir up trouble.”

Sam turned on his heels and headed out of the office, slamming the door behind him, doing his best to ignore the tears burning in his eyes. He just wanted a fucking happy ever after was that so hard? He needed to get out of the base for a while and he didn’t want to bum a ride off of Will because he may be having a similar talk with Ironhide but hopefully his was going much better.

Sam wandered around for about thirty minutes, Ratchet had been trying to reach him by his cellphone but Sam didn’t bother to respond. Optimus, himself, tried to call him but he did not pick up. He didn’t know what to say to either of them right now. He made a complete ass out of himself back there and while he is glad Ratchet wasn’t seriously hurt, he was still angry at him for going behind his back. Sam found himself in the Autobot hanger where Teller worked. The Twins were in alt form, parked on the other side of the hanger not making a sound, which was normal but what caught Sam’s eye is that parked near the entrance was Bumblebee, also looking rather subdued. “Afternoon, Sam,” Teller said, his was under the hood of a blood red, junked Jaguar F-Series, “care to take an Autobot brat off my hands? Preferably the Camaro. I am sick and tired of listening about holoforms and how cool it is going to be to have one. And whatever you do, Sam, do not let Sideswipe model his after Johnny Depp!”

“I promise,” Sam said, with a weak smile.

Teller froze a moment and then carefully lifted himself out of the engine and turned to face Sam. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He grabbed the oil rag and wiped his hands before grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler. He opened the bottle and drank half of it in two swallows. Sam was ignoring his ringing phone again, “Yeah, sorry…”

“What are you apologizing for, kid?” Teller asked as he put the cap back on the water, “You haven’t done anything wrong, although if you don’t pick up that phone it may just ring out of your pocket.”

“I don’t feel like talking to anyone,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I bet,” Teller said, “come on, let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Somewhere quiet, you know the opposite of the hanger when the Three Stooges are here,” Teller said loudly and turned to the Twins, “Now you two geniuses listen to me. You will remain in this hanger and not touch anything or Primus help you. Actually Primus may not be able to help your asses. Any questions, boys?”

Sideswipe let out a pathetic little beep and Sam was amazed how obedient they were to him. Ratchet came up with much more colorful threats, ones he could actually accomplish, and the Twins just blew him off. Teller really did put the fear of Primus into them. “Follow me,” he told Sam, and Sam just obeyed although he really wasn’t sure he wanted company right now. Teller walked out of the hanger and over to the ladder that led to the roof, “You first.”

“Are we allowed up there?”

“Who the fuck cares, it’s Sunday and I am up here all the time. We are pretending to be an abandoned airplane field in the middle of the desert, now up!”

Sam climbed up the ladder and found a picnic table in the middle of the roof. He stepped onto the roof and went over to the table and sat down, Teller sat across from him. “I know you don’t want to talk so you just listen a few minutes,” Teller said as he went over to a cheesy looking plastic tree and pressed a few of the leaves. Suddenly white noise came from the tree. 

“What…?”

“The Three Amigos cannot hear us and I have scanners jammed so they cannot try any of their alien spy shit,” Teller said, “they may be higher tech but the principal is the same as cop scanners and listening devices back home in Louisiana. You learn to keep your head down and scanners jammed when you are in the illegal racing circuit in the Big Easy. Now, let’s not beat around the bush here I saw you and Will walk into Medical in your ‘cum fuck me’ clothes and then the holoform project signal went out.”

Sam went pale and tried to speak but no words came out. “This morning I saw Ratchet head to the Big Meeting with a rather impressive spring in his step. I say good for you and Will that bot needed to get laid,” Teller sat across from Sam, “I could honestly care less what you do in the bedroom, Sam, as long as it is safe and consensual. I have had way too many people be interested in what I was doing in my bedroom to try any of that shit with you. I am fifty seven and have been with the same person for forty years.”

“Why would people be interested in what you are up to if you are with the same person…?”

“A) He is a guy and B) He is black,” Teller said, “and you just don’t date in your own gender or outside of your own race in the South, especially not in Louisiana. It wasn’t easy when I was younger, in fact it was damn difficult, but I loved him and he loved me so we stuck it out. I recognize that tone in your voice and the look on your face, Sam, I have had both myself. You are having problems and cannot find anyone else to talk to about it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” Sam winced, he didn’t mean for it to be a question.

“Sure you don’t,” he said, “I am not an HR spy. We don’t have to go into the details like names and shit, but you need to talk.”

“I screwed up,” Sam said, “shocker.”

“Sex complicates things,” Teller nodded, “but you adjust.”

“Cultural differences aren’t helping, monogamy is as rare to them as polygamy is to us,” Sam sighed, “it doesn’t bother me on one hand, but it does on the other.”

“Now that is a big culture shock, I agree with you but I sort of had that feeling they had different values on relationships since only the one couple is married, shall we say to make it similar. So you want to commit and he doesn’t?”

“He wants to keep the relationship open.”

“But he wasn’t getting any before so why does he think he is or does he figure he has his groove back?”

“Not him, he wants to keep it open for me,” Sam blushed, “I don’t know if I can talk about this.”

“Give this old southern gentleman a crack at it,” Teller put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, “now stop me if I am wrong, but I know that the second gentleman he has in mind for you isn’t the Major because it is obvious that he and his fierce protector and crazy for each other. The old married couple are off the table as well because they seem more interested in Epps than you, kid, but don’t take it personally. The Three Amigos below us don’t have the maturity or attention span to enter into anything meaningful right now and even if they did they drive your guy too insane to make it work. So that leaves only one possible candidate, the Big Boss. So how far off was I?”

“You are right,” Sam muttered.

“Glad to know I still got it,” Teller said, “well how do you feel about that?”

Sam snorted a laugh before it turned into a huge belly laugh and Teller raised an eyebrow, probably wondering what he said to get that reaction from Sam but didn’t say anything. It took Sam a few moments to calm down and catch his breath, “Sorry,” Sam explained, “it’s just that a few of them don’t like when we talk about emotions, or get our emotions all over them, they call it.”

“Well they better get used to it, we are damn emotional organic matter,” Teller shook his head, “you might need to consider that as well when thinking about all of this: do you want to enter into something long term with someone or someones who cannot support you emotionally? I mean if you wanna go and have some fun with them then have at it, kid, and enjoy it. It has to be difficult to not have a relationship or at least a lover at your age. If you want more than just causal sex then you better sit them down and lay some ground rules from the start. If they cannot abide the rules than time to cut your losses. Relationships have the same building blocks, if you are gay or straight, intra or inter-racial or intra or inter-species. This isn’t Star Trek and going into the Final Frontier, it’s the same shit. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, kid. People like to make things so much more difficult than they actually are or worse: hinder an already difficult situation and when that happens tell them to fuck off!”

Sam thought about what Teller said for a few moments, digesting everything he said and found himself nodding. It seemed so simple, but not easy either. “What if I don’t know what I want?” Sam looked down.

“Well that’s something you need to think about,” Teller said, “but if I were you I wouldn’t get physical with anyone until you get your head on straight. Now will you answer that damn phone before I have to take a hammer to the damn thing? I cannot stand the sound of a vibrating cellphone, reminds me of a rat-ass car with bad shocks!”

Sam took his cellphone out of his pocket and went to turn it off but Teller stopped him. “Answer the damn thing,” he said.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to know what to say,” he laughed, “you just need to listen, like you just did. The words will come to you better that way.”

Sam took a deep breath but still just held the phone so Teller took it out of his hand, “For the love of God, kid, what am I gonna do with you? Didn’t anyone ever teach you to listen to your elders? Let’s see what we got!”

Teller typed in Sam’s four digit passcode, “You need a less obvious code, by the way,” he said and tapped his screen a few times, “you have fifteen texts from Ratchet, three from Bumblebee (who is probably having a pout that he doesn’t know what is going on up here) and, wow, two from Prime. Three voicemails from him to. How long have to been wandering before you ended up in my hanger?”

“Thirty minutes or so,” Sam said, making a feeble attempt to get his phone back but Teller just slapped his hands away whenever he tried.

“That tells me you had either really bad sex or a bad fight,” Teller nodded, “possibly both.”

“Are you Sherlock Holmes or something?”

“Sherlock wished he was me,” Teller said, “I have a hotter life partner and a better car. Although no offense to Dr. Watson, especially Martin Freeman’s version. Let’s see what Ratchet has to say, since he seems to be the trouble maker in all this.”

Sam tried again but had his hands batted away as Teller read his texts, nodding as he read them, “Ratchet is flipping out because he cannot find you, he is flocculating between self-righteousness and fear for most of the messages. You might want to at least let him know you are alive or he might have an Autobot equivalent of a heart attack. Hmmm… Bumblebee wants to know what is going on up here, but we already knew what his texts would be able and Prime… hmmm… interesting. He wants to set up a meeting with you to discuss things. He is also concerned that you aren’t writing him or Ratchet back.”

Finally Sam was able to take his phone back and looked at the messages from Ratchet and Bumblebee and they were exactly what Teller said they would be and he sighed. He wrote Ratchet back first: I am fine. I just needed to go for a walk to calm down. I am sorry…

“Don’t apologize to either of them,” Teller said, “you apologize too much as it is, kid, and you have done nothing wrong.”

He sent Ratchet the text without the apology and then told Bumblebee that he was ok and just needed a chat with the head mechanic, also to stop being such a nosey-bot! Optimus, on the other hand, he didn’t read the text messages and instead just wrote to him: Please don’t hate me. I know all I do is disappoint you and make your life difficult even though I don’t mean to.

“I guess I better head back to medical,” Sam said, “see if Ratchet needs any help.”

“Better idea: why don’t you go to your room, lock the door and really think about things for a bit?”

“Ratchet might actually need some repairs,” Sam admitted.

“Big Boss wasn’t happy, eh? Not surprised, he cares about you much more than he would ever admit. Fix your bolts-for-brains then go take some time for yourself. If the prototype test doesn’t happen tonight the world won’t end, I will just need to terrorize the Amigos some more and Prowl will have to keep fucking his partner so good he won’t know what the word holoform means, also not the end of the world.”

 

Sam walked into Medical and found Ratchet sitting in his office. It appeared that he hadn’t even tried to repair his throat. Sam knocked on the door, definitely prepared to get more of the infamous Ratchet temper, but instead he was quickly picked up and cradled next to Ratchet’s spark. “Don’t do that again,” Ratchet’s voice was so static-laden that Sam could barely understand him.

“We need to fix your voice, Ratchet,” Sam said, “how bad is the damage?”

“May need to mend a leaking fluid line and replace two fuses, but that can wait.”

“No, a leaking fluid line cannot wait,” Sam carefully stood and looked at the damage, he winced, “Ratchet it looks worse than that.”

“Self-repair can deal with the rest,” he explained, “it sounds worse than it is.”

“I cannot believe that Optimus did this,” Sam said, “that these protocols are that important…”

“They aren’t, you are,” Ratchet shrugged.

“No more talking until I get this fluid line plugged and those fuses replaced,” he said, “you need lay down and conserve your energy for the self-repair program.”

 

“Maybe I should go find Sam?” Will said from where he was laying on Ironhide’s chestplate. Ironhide snorted and gently ran the tip of his finger up and down Will’s side. Such a simple action had a profound effect on the human and seemed to calm him. Ironhide realized with a jolt that the action also had a calming effect on him as well. Strange.

“Optimus and Ratchet caused the issue let them deal with it,” Ironhide said, “he probably just went for a walk anyway. They make such a big deal about nothing when it comes to Sam. My question is how bad Ratchet is hurt.”

“You think Ratchet is hurt?”

“He is in medical instead of looking for Sam, yeah, he is hurt,” Ironhide said, “if he went to see Optimus he must have told him what happened last night.”

“Are the protocols so important that Optimus would physically hurt Ratchet?” Will asked, picking his head and looked alarmed, “I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“Calm down, Lennox,” Ironhide smiled slightly, “the protocols aren’t the reason Optimus gave Ratchet the thrashing.”

“Are you going to get in trouble?” Will still looked frightened for his safety.

“No, I will talk with Optimus before the testing tonight, if the test is even still going to happen with Ratchet’s injuries. I am sure he won’t have an issue with it as he knows how connected I am to you. If I am wrong and he is against it, well, I am the mech that taught Prime to fight and I will wipe the floor with him until he comes to his senses.”

Will smiled and laid back down, snuggling against the cool metal of Ironhide’s chest. “I think I may know why Optimus kicked his ass then,” Will said.

“So do I, he cares about Sam a lot more than he lets on and this has to hurt him a lot. I would be devastated if it would have been you instead of Sam last night, even though I do not have any claim to you.”

“So you are upset with me then?”

“Not really, but I would strongly recommend that you do not engage in any foreplay, as you called it, with anyone else but me from now on.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Will said, “I am quite sure I will be kept totally satisfied by my own dirty old mech.”

Ironhide looked confused, “I am clean, you washed and waxed me yesterday.”

 

Will laughed quietly, rolling over so he could get up. He walked over to the end of Ironhide’s chest plate and Ironhide lifted his head, curious what his human was doing, and seemed very surprised when Will knelt down on the edge and kissed him. 

Will felt a flicker of energy wrap around him, but it wasn’t frightening. Actually it was the opposite, it felt like holding a hot cup of hot chocolate after coming in from the freezing cold. “Not what I meant,” Will smiled, “It means you may be an older Autobot, but you are still an inventive and very attentive lover.”

Ironhide still looked a bit confused so Will tried again, “Dirty in this case is good, Ironhide, dirty as in sexually adventurous, flirty and just damn sexy. Before the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 70s, sex was seen as an unclean aka dirty act that no one talked about and if it was discussed it was scandalous. It was seen as a carnal pleasure if you interfaced for enjoyment, which is sinful, which is a crime against God.”

“Humans are weird,” Ironhide snorted, caused Will’s hair to get even messier.

“Tell me about it,” Will said as he kissed Ironhide again, “but then the 60s and 70s happened and a negative turned into a positive so being a dirty old mech is definitely a positive, especially for me.”

“I haven’t even made you overload yet,” Ironhide smiled slightly, “and yet you are so sure about my abilities.”

“Would you like me to overload for you?” Will asked, blushing brightly as he asked. The energy he felt earlier as back, he felt safe, loved and totally cared for and it felt amazing. 

“Stand up,” Ironhide commanded, there was a hint of something in his voice that Will had never heard before, but something in him responded, his cock getting hard. He obeyed immediately and waited to see what Ironhide would do next. “Good, now drop your pants.”

Will immediately followed the orders, but left his boxers on. He still had his combat boots on so his pants pooled at his ankles. “Why do you wear those?” Ironhide asked, looking very pointedly at Will’s boxers.

“Because I was raised wearing underwear,” Will answered honestly, “its for modesty, probably, it is just one of those things you are supposed to do, I guess, and I wear them out of habit more than any other reason.”

“Unless it is combat, drills or an occasion that involves a formal uniform I do not want you wearing underwear. It inhibits my scans, my view, of your interface cable and accompanying appendage. I don’t like it.”

“Ironhide?” Will asked tentatively.

“Yes,” he responded.

“I don’t mind it at all when you call my cock an interface cable, actually I think it’s sexy, but please call the ‘accompanying appendage’ balls please, there are two of them in the sac,” Will said, “it’s a stupid human thing but…”

“No, it isn’t stupid. I prefer to use the terms you are comfortable with,” Ironhide stroked Will’s side again with his finger, calming the nervous human, who hummed in pleasure. “I love when you touch me,” Will admitted, “even before I knew you were sexual, I craved your touch. Whenever we would just sit together and just be, I would tell you I was just stiff when I got up and were going to take a hot shower… something was stiff but it wasn’t my back.”

Ironhide did not respond to his confession, Will was afraid that maybe Ironhide didn’t understand, but he pulled his finger away for a moment. Oh no, Will had totally just fucked whatever this was up. “Ironhide, I…”

“I do not like your underwear,” Ironhide said before he carefully ripped the cotton boxers from his body in one movement, “I do not want anything to obstruct my view. There that is better.”

Will blushed and Ironhide tossed the cotton away. Will thought he heard gears and started to turn around, but they stopped, “Eyes here, Will,” Ironhide commanded and Will turned back around and kept his gaze on Ironhide’s optics, “keep them here until I tell you otherwise.”

“Yes, Ironhide,” Will said. This almost felt like that book Captain Sanchez was going gaga over with the kinky sex, Fifty Shades or something like that. The gears started up move again but Will kept his eyes straight ahead. Will trembled in anticipation and Ironhide asked quietly, “Are you frightened, Will?”

“No,” Will said, “excited.”

“Good,” Ironhide said as something hard and warm touched the side of his body and slowly stroked up under his shirt and down. Ironhide sighed happily and Will felt slickness come from whatever Ironhide was touching him with and he took a deep breath through his nose and smelled the comforting scent of mech fluid. Will bit his lip and moaned, his cock twitching at the thought that what this object was could possibly be the head of Ironhide’s interface cable. “You like this, Will? So do I,” he said as the focus of his movement shifted and he brought the warm hardness from Will’s side to his belly and the touch became even lighter. It took every ounce of restraint that Will had not to look at what was touching him. Ironhide stroked up and down Will’s stomach and right leg, careful to never actually touch his now leaking cock. This went on for several minutes, the only sound in the room was Will’s breath and Ironhide’s vents. 

Finally Ironhide brought the warm hardness to Will’s face and carefully touched his cheek with the very tip. Will groaned and nuzzled what he now knew was hard, black rubber and the shape reminded him of one of those huge black rubber dog toys with the three ridges, except that Ironhide’s head only had two ridges and it was at least a foot long and half foot wide. It was beautiful. Will wanted to test the sensitivity so he ran his closed lips along the very tip and Ironhide moaned, releasing more fluid on Will’s face. The tip was pulled away and the once offending cotton boxers were used to wipe the fluid from Will’s face. “Please,” Will begged, “tell me that is the head of your interface cable. It’s so beautiful, Ironhide, it feels so good against my skin.”

“You are so beautiful when you beg,” Ironhide said, his voice husky and his optics just a bit darker shade of blue, “yes, Will, I have given you what you wanted.”

“The head is so thick, Ironhide,” Will cried out when the hard rubber finally came in contact with his cock, “your holoform is gonna fill me up so good. I want it so bad.”

“I know,” Ironhide said, “I am going to interface with you so hard, Will, so good that you will forget everything except the fact that you are mine.”

“Been yours,” Will said as the head came to stop along his length, “realized it when we got to Egypt, but never thought even if we could that you would want me back. Love you so much, ‘Hide.”

Ironhide practically purred, “Show me, touch me, take your pleasure, Will. Go ahead.”

Will cried out and grabbed ahold of one of Ironhide’s fingers that held his cable against him. Oh god, he looked, the cable has as hard as a cock, it was thick and Will could have sworn it was pulsing but he was too distracted with his own need to really examine the details. He used his hold on Ironhide’s finger to ground himself and give him some leverage as he began to grind his cock against the slick rubber of Ironhide’s cable head. Both cried out in unison, it gave Will a thrill that Ironhide was enjoying this as well. Will stopped holding back and gave himself over to his need, grinding against him as hard as he could, moaning Ironhide’s name over and over. “That’s it, Will,” Ironhide cried out, “so fragging beautiful like this… pleasuring us both so good. You gonna make me overload!

“Oh God, yes,” Will moaned, “please, Ironhide, please overload.”

“Overload for me,” Ironhide ordered, in a voice as if he was grinding his teeth to keep from shouting, “now, boy!”

Will had never cum on command before, but there was something so fucking hot about Ironhide in command like this that he came hard against his cable, choking out a cry of pure pleasure. His knees felt like they were made of gelatin and he slowly sank to his knees and tried to catch his breath. He felt a rumble in Ironhide’s chest, the vibrations were amazing against his over sensitized skin. Suddenly he felt liquid shoot all over his groin and upper thighs, he opened his eyes to see Ironhide overloading, his mech fluid-cum shooting at Will. His optics were glowing, his mouth opened slightly. Will had never seen a more erotic sight in his entire life. When Ironhide had finished he let the cable fall to his chest, his cooling vents working overtime on his overheated systems. Will looked at himself, covered in cum and mech fluid dripping down his legs, he didn’t need to see the reflection of himself in Ironhide’s optics to know he looked debauched, but he did enjoy the look of affection and tenderness in Ironhide’s optics. “Now you need a hot shower, but you won’t have anything stiff to work out,” Ironhide laughed breathlessly, “and I think I like being your ‘dirty old mech’ I think I like it a lot.”

Will leaned forward and kissed Ironhide softly, “I was hoping you would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still cannot find out where Mad_Ratchet is getting the plot wrenchs from and I am ready to try to find a new muse because Primus is on a coffee break and will deal with him when he gets back. He has been on a coffee break for two weeks. -_-' I am thinking an Mad_Optimus or a Mad_Ironhide. Thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about time that Sam and Optimus had a talk, don't you think?

Sam went back to his room to clean up after making the repairs he could to Ratchet. The mech fluid leak was worse than Ratchet let on, which wasn’t a big surprise, and he ended up getting covered in the spray while trying to patch it. The fuses, on the other hand, were an easy fix. After his visual inspection, he was able to easily convince Ratchet complete a total diagnostic on himself and checked the results. Sam hadn’t expected Ratchet to be so cooperative, but maybe this was his way of apologizing for earlier? He wasn’t sure, but he knew that the only damage Ratchet had suffered was his throat and that would be finished repairing itself by this evening. There may not be any prototype testing this evening, which is probably a good idea. 

He stripped, Sam knew from experience that mech fluid was hard to get out and right now he didn’t even feel like trying. Instead he just took his cellphone out of his pants picket, threw the clothes into the trash and went into the bathroom. He set the phone down on the sink and saw he had a message from Optimus. Sam thought about ignoring it but decided since he spoke to Ratchet, even though briefly, he should talk to Optimus as well. He clicked the text message: Did you listen to my voicemails, Sam? Listen to them and call me.

Sam decided to listen to the voicemails while he took a shower and turned on the voice activated controls. “Play voicemail,” he said as he turned the volume up as high as it could go before he turned to get into the shower. “Samuel… Sam, I hate these voicemail recordings and would prefer to talk to you directly, but you are not responding to either Ratchet or my texts and I am concerned. Actually I am concerned about many things. I had no idea so much was going on with you and I feel guilty. You were suffering and I could have helped you, Sam. I know you think you are some sort of burden to me, to all of us, but you aren’t. Please contact someone so we know you are all right.”

Sam felt his eyes tear up as he stood under the warm spray and started to wash himself on autopilot, scrubbing to make sure that he got all traces of the mech fluid off him. “Next voicemail,” the fake feminine voice said and then Optimus was back, “Sam, it has been ten minutes and still no one has heard from you. This is unlike you. Ratchet has returned to medical to take care of his vocal processor, which you would know if you had read any of our messages. I know you are still on base and would go after you myself, but I do not think my presence would be welcome by you right now. I can imagine how upset you are about what you saw. I regret attacking Ratchet like that, it is not my place to tell you who you can interface with, but I was so… I don’t know what I was. This is my fault, not yours, Sam. You are not a trouble maker and HR will remove you from this base over my cold spark! I thought I was protecting you by keeping you at a distance, I did not want anyone to accuse you of being my favorite, but I seem to have made the wrong decision. Contact me, Sam, we need to talk.”

“Next voicemail,” the voicemail voice was getting more annoying every time she interrupted Optimus, “Sam, I just heard from Bumblebee. He mentioned you wandered in the hanger and looked horrible. This isn’t doing any of us any good, Sam. You need to stop ignoring us, and to talk to me about what is going on. I will do anything, anything at all at this point to hear your voice. You should always feel like you can talk to me about anything, there is nothing so daunting that we cannot handle it together, Sam. I just… I… do you love him? Ratchet. Do you? I just need to know. Please just contact someone, dammit, Sam.”

“End of voicemails.”

Sam stood there in shock. It never occurred to him that Optimus could care about him like that. He thought that Optimus cared about him like an annoying brat he was babysitting, but may be convinced to fuck through the mattress with his gigantic holoform cock. Things just got more complicated. A lot more complicated. He did need to talk to Optimus, even if he just needed to tell him that he needed time to figure things out. Sam got out of the shower, dried himself off quickly and blow dried his hair until it was just barely damp. He didn’t bother getting dressed, he grabbed the cellphone, turned off the voice activated commands and laid on his bed. He took a deep breath and called Optimus, who picked up before the first ring was finished, “Sam?” he said quietly.

“Is this a bad time?” Sam tried to make his voice sound even, but failed miserably.

“No, I was receiving an update from Ratchet, in which he mentioned your efficient and excellent care and a complaint from Prowl about the loud noises coming from Ironhide’s room. Both can wait.”

“Oh, I think I know what the sounds from Ironhide’s room are,” Sam laughed weakly.

“Do you?” Optimus sounded surprised, but also a bit clueless. Sam was tempted to do a face palm but instead he took a deep breath and decided, what the hell, to fill Optimus in, “Yeah, I know that Will was very interested in becoming acquainted with Ironhide’s interface cable, now that we know Autobots have one.”

“Oh? Oh!” Optimus made some very cute embarrassed clicks as his processor quickly put a picture together, “well, I will… hmmmmm…”

“Get better sound proofing for Ironhide’s room?” Sam tried not to laugh at Optimus’ discomfort, “because now that Will knows I don’t think they are going to stop making those noises for the foreseeable future.”

“But Will…”

“Is madly in love with Ironhide,” Sam interrupted, “as in wants-to-share-quarters-and-raise-his-daughter-with-him kind of love.”

“Oh? I see,” Optimus said, his voice not betraying anything.

“Do you think that Ironhide will be ok with that? I can talk to Will if you think there might be a problem.”

“No, Sam, I highly doubt that Ironhide will have any issue with Will being so connected to him.”

“I am glad,” Sam said, “so… I am sorry about not looking at my messages right away.”

“Bumblebee said you went and spoke to Teller,” Optimus trailed off.

“I didn’t say anything to him, but I didn’t have to,” Sam said, “he figured it out himself.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“No, I don’t think so, I did not confirm his suspicions but he had a lot of really good things to say that made sense. It helped put everything in perceptive.”

“I am glad he was able to help you,” there was a tone in Optimus’ voice that made Sam’s heart hurt and Sam just sighed, “Optimus, I can guess that Ratchet told you about last night, but I need to know did he tell you about tonight?”

“No, if he was planning to I did not give him a chance,” Optimus said, “I am afraid I lost my temper when he told me he broke you in. He cares deeply for you.”

“I care about him as well,” Sam said, “but…”

“Yes?” Optimus said, there was the sound of hope in his voice that made Sam’s stomach flutter.

“He told me about polygamous aspect of the overwhelming majority of Cybertronian relationships and he knew I was also connected to you as well. He encouraged me to pursue my connection to you and maybe, if the holoform prototype testing went well for you… but I almost blew him off. I never thought that you would be interested in me. Ever.”

“Sam.”

“Please let me just get through this.”

“Ok.”

Sam took a deep breath, “I mean you are Optimus, the most kind, gentle, brave… the most beautiful soul I have ever met. You could have your pick of potential partners, so why would you settle for a silly organic like me? I know you said I wasn’t but I do feel like a burden to you. You have so much to do and who am I to talk up any of your time? So yeah, I didn’t tell you what was going on with Mikaela or HR because you are too busy for this stupid shit. All I have wanted to do was to try to help, but I am not a warrior, although Ironhide and Will haven’t given up on me yet. So I went into Medical, I have some basic knowledge left over from the AllSpark, more like intuition than actual knowledge, but that’s beside the point. I wanted to be useful to you, to the Autobots, you all have given me so much. I just feel so pathetic, me, daring to dream I could be more than another person for you to take care of, to dream you felt connected to me as well and we could build a… like I said pathetic. Please don’t pity me, Optimus, I won’t think I could stand to see pity in your optics. I would rather you never spoke to me again than for you to pity me.”

There was silence on the other end and Sam felt part of him dying in shame and embarrassment. He wasn’t sure how long the silence went on but finally Optimus asked, “Can I talk now?”

“Oh, yes, sorry,” Sam whispered.

“Thank you.”

Now there was more silence, Sam thought heard very faint clicks, beeps and whistles which he knew was Cybertronian, but he couldn’t make out the words. “I wish to make sure I understand,” Optimus finally said, “you feel a connection to both myself and Ratchet?”

“Yes, I know it is wrong. It’s another thing on the list of many that make me a freak…”

“Never say that about yourself again!” Optimus cried out so loud that Sam dropped the phone in surprise, “if anyone even dares to hint at calling you that, or any other negative name you are to report it to me immediately and I will personally handle it. I will brook no opposition in this matter, Samuel, I don’t care how busy you think I am you will report this to me. You will also report any threats made by any member of the base staff, like HR threatening to remove you from the base because you ‘cause trouble’. Bah! They would have to get off their lazy afts to actually have to do some work to stop the soldiers from picking on you, Primus forbid they have to do anything but administer stupid and rather useless tests!”

Sam stared at his phone in shock as Optimus continued, “Another thing, you are not a freak or a burden to me or any of the others. I need you to know that. I have made a grievous error in how I have handled things with you and I thought I have been protecting you, but I was wrong, I have been ignoring you and your needs instead. I will never forgive myself for that, ever.”

Sam picked the phone back up, Optimus was still speaking loud enough he didn’t need to hold the phone to his ear to hear him, “Optimus…”

“Sam, I feel a connection with you as well. If you still care for me, the sentiment is returned.”

“I… wow, I never considered you could feel… for me?”

“I understand you are also connected with Ratchet and that he is connected with you,” Optimus continued, “I will respect that connection while strengthening our connection if you are interested.”

“You are ok with me and Ratchet?”

“As you said, Cybertronians engage in polygamous relationships and I have no right to request you enter into a monogamous relationship with me as I practically shoved you into Ratchet’s arms, to use a human euphemism.”

Sam’s head was spinning with the information, “Are you serious? Don’t tease me.”

“I am not teasing you.”

“This is a lot to think about, I am so happy but so scared at the same time.”

“Scared?”

“That I am going to wake up at any moment and this was a dream. Does this mean you may be interested in interfacing with me in your holoform?”

“I…”

“You aren’t, are you?” Sam deflated.

“No, Sam, I want to join with you,” Optimus sounded unsure, almost scared, “I just don’t want to get your hopes up.”

Sam remembered what Ratchet had told him about Optimus’ interface cable being too large for most ports and being turned away from intimacy. “Optimus,” Sam’s voice was soft and caring, “human’s ass has much more give than mech ports, with a little patience, tender preparation and lots of lubrication even a human fist can fit.”

“Are you serious?” Optimus asked, “but how is that possible?”

“Hang on,” Sam stood up and went over to his computer and accessed his video collection. He knew that the Autobots were accessing his porn collection, or at least Bumblebee and the Twins were, so he started putting porn on his computer in the “Video” folder in his Documents folder and renaming it silly names like “Graduation Vid 1” or “Mom’s Bday” so no one would guess it was actually wonderfully filthy gay porn. “I am going to send you a file, ignore the name, it’s so Twins won’t look at it,” he selected his favorite one that has some fisting in it, but it also has a porn star with a huge twelve inch cock and emailed the file to Optimus, “hopefully you will find it educational.”

“Samuel Witwicky, did you just send me porn?” Optimus sounded amused.

“I want you to see how much a human ass can stretch,” Sam said, “but if you are still uncomfortable we could just play around, or if you wanted to I would… if you wanted to.”

“Would you? You cannot even say it.”

“Optimus Prime, I would love to prepare your holoform and thrust my interface cable in and out of your port until you overload. I want you to overload over and over again until you cannot possibly overload anymore, I want to take you all night long.”

“Sam,” Optimus moaned.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yes,” Optimus said.

“Now I want you to watch your educational video,” Sam whispered, “and feel free to ask me any questions. We need to talk some more before we get there but I do want you to know I am interested in strengthening a connection with you.”

“You will need to talk to Ratchet as well,” Optimus said, “but then so will I.”

“Let me talk to him first,” Sam said, “but right now I have a lot of thinking to do.”

“I think all three of us have a lot of thinking to do,” Optimus said, “but know regardless of what happens I want you to start talking to me about anything that is bothering you. Right now I need to address the issue with Ironhide, Prowl is getting very irate.”

“Serves him right,” Sam said, “the other Autobots probably complain about him and Jazz all the time.”

Optimus laughed, “You are more right than you know. I have to go, but thank you for talking with me, Sam.”

“You are welcome,” Sam said as Optimus disconnected the call. Sam got dressed and decided to head back to medical. It was almost dinner time, although he doubted he would actually get to meet Will at the mess if what Optimus told him about the noises from Ironhide’s room was correct.

 

Optimus calmly walked to Ironhide’s door, Prowl peaked his head out, “It’s about time, Prime, what is he doing in there?”

“What do you and Jazz do when you are alone in your room?”

Prowl’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly before he could finally speak, “Ironhide? Seriously? But I thought he was with Lennox!”

“Major Lennox has recently learned that we have interface capabilities,” Optimus said, “and while interfacing with a human in our mech forms is not possible, I believe something humans call ‘foreplay’ is quite possible and it sounds like it may be quite enjoyable as well.”

The look on Prowl’s face is priceless, “Do you think that Lennox has told anyone else about this? Like Epps for example.”

Optimus shrugged, “You would need to ask Major Lennox, now if you will excuse me I will try to get Ironhide to settle down for you.”

Prowl shut the door and Optimus could hear the happy squeal from Jazz a few moments later. He shook his head, trying not to think of all the headaches this could cause him as he moved to Ironhide’s door. He knocked loudly three times to which Ironhide bellowed, “FRAG OFF, PROWL!”

Optimus laughed quietly and shook his head before he put his serious face on and said sternly, “It is I, Optimus, not Prowl!”

The noises from the room stopped all together then he heard Lennox mutter, “Shit!” Optimus forced himself not to laugh. “I am sorry to bother you, Ironhide, but we need to talk.”

“Give us a moment,” Ironhide said in Cybertronian, “humans and their annoying clothing.”

“I am surprised you didn’t shred it by the sounds you were making,” Optimus replied, also in Cybertronian, “do you need to stop and refuel your interface tank before our discussion?”

“Cute, Prime, really cute,” Ironhide muttered as he opened the door, a rather dirty Major Lennox trying to fix his belt was sitting in his right hand. Lennox looked rather sheepish and waved at Optimus, “Yeah, before next time will work on soundproofing the room.”

“Or you could be more quiet,” Optimus suggested.

“Sound proofing would be better,” Will replied before Ironhide could and blushed bright red when he admitted, “I really like it when he is loud.”

If Ironhide could have blushed he probably would have to, but instead he stroked Will’s side with his finger of his left hand. Optimus smiled, “I approve of this match, and I believe your connection will only get stronger as time goes on, congratulations to you both.”

“Thank you, Prime,” Ironhide said.

“Thank you,” Will said, “I will make him happy and take good care of him.”

“It appears you already have several times,” Optimus couldn’t help but joke with the pair and Will scratched the back of his head, “now I am sorry to interrupt but I do need to speak with Ironhide.”

“I need to meet with Sam anyway to discussion… shit! I forgot to finish the questionnaire!” Will groaned.

“You have half an hour before dinner, I am sure you will come up with something,” Ironhide said as he put Will down, “now go take that hot shower and I will see you soon.”

Will opened his mouth to reply, but looked at Optimus and closed his mouth. He took his cellphone out as he walked toward the human section of the base. Before he got a hundred feet away, Jazz peaked his head out and said, “Hey, Lennox, mind telling Epps how awesome we are at foreplay?”

“I am going to kill him,” Ironhide muttered and Optimus just shook his head.

“I don’t know, Jazz,” Will returned around and finished his typing on his cellphone before he looked up at him, “if you and Prowl can handle him. He is a complete horny bastard, when we aren’t in combat or on drills all he can think about interfacing. He has almost been written up repeatedly for lewd comments and very naughty sexual jokes.”

“He never is like that around me,” Jazz looked confused.

“Hey, we have orders not to shock the inorganics,” Will laughed, referring to the comment that Ironhide made earlier that day and turned on his heels walking back to his room. Optimus chuckled and turned to Ironhide, who had just received the message from Will. He opened it up, wondering what Will wanted to tell him: Maybe ask Ratchet if holoforms are safe in water so you can join me next time. Ironhide closed the message and turned to Optimus, “I am guessing he sent a message to you,” Optimus said.

“Lets go for a walk,” Ironhide said as he heard the tell-tale sounds of Prowl and Jazz preparing for a long and loud interface session themselves, “before I have to kill one or both of them!”

 

Sam walked into medical and saw Ratchet back at his desk typing something on a datapad, even though he is supposed to be recharging and sighed. He walked into his office, shut the door and leaned against it, “You are supposed to be resting.”

“You are supposed to be thinking,” Ratchet said.

“Actually that was showering, and I did that,” Sam said, “I wanted to check on you to make sure you were continuing to be a good patient, but I had a feeling you weren’t.”

“We have a lot of prep to do for tonight,” Ratchet said.

“Do you think that is wise? Your voice still sounds off, you have more self-repair to do.”

“I have a choice, work through the self-repair or deal with Jazz, Bumblebee and the Twins for an extra day or so.”

“Prowl will take care of Jazz and Teller will babysit Bee and the Twins,” Sam said, “I took care of that. You need to rest.”

“I thought you were still mad at me,” Ratchet said, finally putting the datapad down.

Sam shook his head, “I talked with Optimus and you weren’t going to talk to him about a possible interface encounter without me. I know you care about me and want what you think is best for me, and that you aren’t above masterminding things when needed, and I appreciate the fact you didn’t go behind my back.”

“If we were to initiate a polygamous relationship for you, Sam, we would all need to discuss this together, lay down the rules and obligations to make sure that you are taken care of physically, mentally and emotionally. I would accept nothing less for you and I know Optimus would not either. Humans seem to have this great misconception of what polygamy actually is, and it makes sense now why you were so concerned earlier.”

“Optimus did say he wanted to talk to you and he does want to apologize.”

“I knew before going into his office that this conversation would get physical,” Ratchet said, “he cares about you a lot. In fact, Sam, and yes, I am masterminding again, he loves you.”

“I know,” Sam said, “we talked for a while and he says if I want to strengthen a connection with him he will not hinder our connection.”

“So he agrees,” Ratchet said, “I am glad. I think this will be good for you, Sam, and will fulfill a variety of your needs.”

“But what about your needs, Ratchet,” Sam said, “this is the part I do not understand, how does this fulfill your needs?”

“I do not have more than one interface partner at a time,” Ratchet said, “it takes a lot of energy that I would rather not expend if I have a fulfilling relationship, and as I have mentioned I am a homebody. I have been this way all my life, only having one connection at a time. I do, on the other hand, have a bit of a kink so-to-speak, I do enjoy watching my partner interfacing with his other partners or in your case other partner. I doubt that Optimus will be willing to share you with anyone else besides me, well maybe Will but I doubt Ironhide would be ready for that anytime in the near future. You see how possessive Ironhide is of Will now, wait until they start interfacing.”

“Prowl was complaining about loud noises from Ironhide’s room,” Sam said, “I believe they may have found a way of enjoying themselves already. You know that Will wanted to see Ironhide’s interface cable.”

“That naughty boy,” Ratchet smirked, “I knew Ironhide couldn’t resist him.”

“The mental images that conjures,” Sam said, feeling his cock get hard, “Ratchet will you really will enjoy watching Optimus and I together?”

“Oh yes,” Ratchet purred, “and I think you like the idea as well, your pheromones are rising quite nicely.”

Sam bit his bottom lip, torn between tearing his clothes off and throwing himself at Ratchet and actually listening to Teller’s advice about getting his thoughts in order before making any decision and to keep away from sex until he knew exactly what he wanted. He took a deep breath and tried to will his erection away, “I do have a lot of things to think about,” Sam said, “and I am not sure I am ready to sit down and talk about rules and obligations yet. This is still a bit surreal for me, but you know I am interested.”

“Very interested,” Ratchet said, “you are perfect, Sam.”

“Actually,” Sam said, forcing his mind back on something productive so he could continue to resist the urge to interface with Ratchet, “I wanted to talk to you about a few things. About the holoform project.”

“Oh?” Ratchet tilted his head.

“Will is a visual learner and maybe it would be easier for him to come up with the questionnaire if he seems what a blank holoform looks like. Maybe he can design it as we talk tonight?”

“That may be a wise decision,” Ratchet said, “it would be easier to develop the right questions if you see the holoform template. What is the next thing?”

“You said you watched porn, right?”

“Yes, for educational purposes,” Ratchet explained, “why do you ask?”

“I don’t think Optimus has, and Ironhide probably hasn’t either,” Sam said, “and I was thinking before we engage in any sort of sexual activity some mechanics need to be discussed. Optimus doesn’t believe his holoforms cock will be able to fit in my ass. I had to send him a video of a guy with a huge cock, fisting then fucking another guy.”

Ratchet looked confused, “Sam, what is fisting?”

“Ok, sending the file to you now!” Sam sighed, opened the door, walked out of the office and he grabbed his datapad from his workstation, remoted on to his computer and forwarded the file to Ratchet, “but don’t get any ideas. Not sure I am ready for this yet.”

He headed back into Ratchet’s office and shut the door again, “Fisting is what the tall tan guy does to the shorter pale guy, starts three minutes in and takes about five minutes until he gets is whole fist in there, but I am sure they cut a lot of the prep time down to keep the viewer from getting bored with the fingering.”

“Holy frag!” Ratchet jolted, “are you serious!”

“You fast forwarded until the entire fist was in, didn’t you?” Sam shook his head.

“Sam, we will not show this video to anyone outside our relationships,” Ratchet said, “and if you do not leave this moment I am going to interface with you on every available surface in this office!”

“You like it that much?” Sam asked, “I really did get myself a dirty old mech.”

“You will soon have two,” Ratchet said, “I will make arrangements to talk to Optimus and we will discuss what we hope to get out of our sharing arrangement and our obligations, but the rules will not be discussed unless you are present. Now Sam, go or drop your goddamn pants.”

 

Optimus and Ironhide stood out in front of the hanger, the Twins and Bumblebee were long done probably causing chaos somewhere. Teller was finishing up and Ironhide noticed that Optimus gave him a queer look but he didn’t say anything to him. “Something I should know about?” Ironhide asked, they spoke in Cybertronian now that they did not need to communicate with any of the humans.

“No, not right now,” Optimus said, “but Teller isn’t the reason I wanted to talk to you.”

“So what do you want to talk about?”

“Did Will tell you about what happened with Sam last night?”

“About Ratchet breaking Sam in, yeah,” Ironhide expected Optimus to at least flinch but he didn’t.

“Ratchet and I got into a fight.”

“A fight or did you just give him a good thrashing?”

“A good thrashing. I lost my temper with him.”

“Ratchet knew he had it coming,” Ironhide snorted.

“I hurt his vocal processor badly.”

“I am sure that Sam can fix it, we may need to put off the prototype testing until Ratchet is at one hundred percent though,” Ironhide tried to not sound disappointed.

“I am assuming you are planning on breaking Will in,” Optimus said.

“Yeah,” Ironhide said, “will that be a problem?”

“No, of course not,” Optimus said, “it is plainly obvious how strong your connection is on both sides. When will you be offering him a place in your berth?”

“That won’t exactly work, my chest is too hard to be comfortable for him,” Ironhide countered.

“You know what I mean,” Optimus said, “let him live in your quarters.”

“We haven’t discussed that yet,” Ironhide said.

“Well before you do make sure that you do soundproof your room first.”

“Frag, tell Prowl and Jazz to soundproof their room first!” Ironhide snapped, “I have been dealing with them for so long I have forgotten when. Time they got a taste of their own medicine.”

“Hopefully we will all need to soundproof our rooms before too long,” Optimus said cryptically.

“What does that mean?” Ironhide asked.

“It must be pleasant to have a partner that wants you to make noise and seems to delight in it. Normally interfacing for us is so quiet, unless you are Prowl and Jazz.”

“They do it to be annoying, I swear to Primus,” Ironhide muttered.

“I need to ask you a question, Ironhide, and I need an honest answer that only you can give me, old friend.”

Ironhide sighed, “You want to know if it had been Will and I instead of Sam and Ratchet last night and Will asked me to break him in and offered himself to my very able holoform would I have done it? I would like to say I would have followed protocol, but I know I would be lying to you. I wouldn’t have given two slagging thoughts about the protocol and I would have broken him in.”

“There are so many new things we will need protocols for now,” Optimus said, “you are connected to Will, Jazz and Prowl want to bring Epps into their berth…”

“And what about Sam?”

“Sam and I had a long talk and I learned the depth of my own blindness when it comes to him. He has long since been connected to me, but took my distance as disinterest and found a willing connection from Ratchet.”

“I knew Sam was attached to you,” Ironhide said carefully, “he thinks the world of you and longs to be useful to you. He would have to in order to die for you and then come back from the dead for you. I have no doubts he would gladly die for you again, Optimus.”

“He has kept so much from me because he thinks I am too busy or too important and does not want to be a burden, but that is going to change starting today. He still feels that connection to me, I have a connection to him and he is willing to strengthen our connection.”

“Optimus, are you really serious about sharing him with Ratchet?”

“Yes, I am,” Optimus said, “I know you do not approve.”

“My approval has nothing to do with it,” Ironhide shrugged, “I just want you to really think about this before you make any decisions. First off, it hasn’t been twenty four hours since our humans figured out we are interface compatible, which had to be a shock for them. As you said, and hear me out Optimus, Sam took your distance as disinterest in him, he also has been going to college full time and engaging in a Medic Apprenticeship, also full time. He is young and feels the desire for a connection, as do we all, and he found a willing connection in Ratchet, your own words. Now I have known Ratchet since he was sparked, he is an excellent medic and a good mech, but the only connection he is concerned with is his work. I am sure that a beautiful, bright spark like Sam was a temptation he could not resist, but Ratchet gets bored easily with his interface partners. The only reason he stayed with Wheeljack as long as he did was because Wheeljack interfaced with every willing mech and Ratchet enjoyed watching. He may ask to watch you and Sam together so that is something you need to be prepared for as well. Most importantly, what will happen when Ratchet gets bored with Sam and severs their connection? Are you willing to help Sam pick up the pieces or would you prefer to wait until Ratchet severs the connection and pursue Sam then?”

“Ratchet could never get bored with Sam!”

“I am telling you, Optimus, it is only a matter of time before Ratchet gets caught up in his work that he abandons his obligations or just decides that his obligations interfere with his work and just severs the connection totally. The mech, as humans say, is a workaholic. His parents, Shadowspark and Hydralica, were the same way, which is how they stayed together as long as they did.”

“Ironhide, I need to pursue this connection with Sam,” Optimus said, “and if Ratchet is as foolish as you say and will sever his connection to Sam then our connection will adjust and only become stronger for it. I cannot abandon this now.”

Ironhide nodded, “As long as you are sure you can handle the need to throttle Ratchet a few times a week then I am sure you will be fine. Again, while I tolerate and respect Ratchet, I don’t trust him with Sam’s well-being, but I do trust you. You are a good match and I know that your father would approve.”

“Thank you,” Optimus said.

“So how much soundproofing should I order on the next supply list?” Ironhide smiled and shook his head, Optimus just laughed.

 

Sam went back to his room before Ratchet jumped him back in medical, he was tempted to stay but he had to try to be responsible about this. It just wasn’t him and Ratchet involved anymore, it was Optimus as well and his head started to ache again as he tried to wrap his mind around it. He was still shocked that Optimus was interested in more than just a one night stand and wanted to have a relationship with him as well and Ratchet was ok with that. He laid on his bed, trying to really understand what was going on, but it seemed like a dream than his actual reality. He wanted this, wanted them and wanted to see where this could go. Maybe human society was right, maybe polygamy doesn’t work and everything would collapse around him. He may end up with either Ratchet or Optimus, or maybe they would end up together and leave him. That thought hurt a lot, but every time he thought about that a little voice bugged him with the question: ‘what if polygamy actual does work?’ Ok, Sam decided, time to take this slow and see what happens. He didn’t even know if he and Optimus were sexually compatible, something he learned the hard way was very important in a relationship, so after interfacing with him tonight and if it went well he would see where this went.

 

Will got out of the shower and dried off quickly. He didn’t have time to get dressed up like he did last night, but Ironhide didn’t seem to mind earlier. He ran a comb through his hair and didn’t bother with the blow dryer today, instead he grabbed a new uniform, threw it on the bed and went to his underwear drawer to get socks and boxers but stopped as he had the boxers in his hand. Ironhide said he didn’t like it when he wore underwear. Will felt a thrill go up his spine as he remembered how deliciously dominate Ironhide had been with him, possessive but Will also felt so protected and loved at the same time. It was a new feeling and one he really liked. Will put the boxers back into the drawer and wondered how Ironhide would react when he realized Will had followed his command. 

He got dressed and went to Sam’s room, knocked on the door and Sam called out that he would be there in a moment. Will waited patiently as Sam opened the door, looking exhausted but had a small smile on his face, “I thought you were busy,” Sam said.

“I was, but he got called away,” Will shook his head, “anyway, I haven’t gotten anything done on the questionnaire yet so I was hoping you would be willing to help me out.”

“Sure,” Sam said, “dinner?”

“I am hungry,” Will said and took a step back so Sam could walk out the door, shutting it behind him.

“I actually ran some ideas by Ratchet about the questionnaire, maybe it would be easier to come up with them when you see what a blank holoform looks like.”

“That’s a good idea, Sam, it would give me something to work with,” Will said.

“The other thing we will talk about after dinner,” Sam grinned as both men headed off to dinner, trying to contain their joy at their newfound happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> One of the comments to this chapter birthed a PWP so feel free to read it in the comments below.


End file.
